September 19, 2007

This week, everyone is talking about the news that Gwen Stefani will soon be retuning to No Doubt. And by that I mean that I read somewhere on the interweb that she might rejoin those crazy cads and release another album, took it completely out of context and started daydreaming about what a new and improved No Doubt may sound like.

Unfortunately, the only conclusion I reached was that there was no way those dorks from Anaheim could ever return to the retardo ska pop of Beacon St Collection or Tragic Kingdom (remember those collaborations with Sublime?! Egad!) if only because Stefani has officially crossed the line between being a talented performer and being uber famous for looking spectacularly hot, marrying a spectacularly hot dude, producing spectacularly hot offspring, pulling off spectacularly ridiculous outfits, and coining cringe worthy colloquialisms for our generation.

The tear-jerking scenes from the Don’t Speak video where she completely outshines her fellow band members to the detriment of their relationship seem to have well and truly materialised and with Brody Dalle still keeping us in the dark with her irritatingly secretive Spinerette project, I need a new heroine in this scene.

God knows we’re so desperately lacking in female representatives these days that as soon as something with any hint of boobage (inanimate or otherwise) takes the stage they’re downright impossible to ignore. Chicks in punk rock bands have become a novelty, and I’m convinced all those pretty dudes rocking the women’s lowcut Lee supatubes are merely generously compensating for the lack of legit lady presence. So nice of them.

It is a sad state of affairs that needs to be addressed. Stat. This shit is bananas.