September 17, 2008

Friends, I have sad news. I have recently developed what scientists refer to as the lame gene, or testiculusabsentus and it’s most often seen in males participating in new heterosexual relationships in which the female partner is aggressively yet passively dominant. It’s the result of a defect in the central nervous system that severely limits one’s ability to socialise to a healthy degree or see bands, or drink beer, or not be A COMPLETE FUCKING PUSSY.

Anyways, as I haven’t seen a live show in a while I felt it compensatory to live vicariously through some friends who’ve been scurrying into the night and reporting back to me on each juicy detail. One friend recently saw Disturbed and said the music was great but the performance was crap. He then advised that Gyroscope were no good because he ‘couldn’t take the lead singer seriously’.

Apart from establishing that said friend has goddamn horrible taste, I also discovered that my peers are wildly picky about their live music. What exactly makes a good show? Do you expect a theatrical performance alongside technical accuracy?What about you bogans who constantly demand bands “shut up and play”? Why must you drink teh haterade?

I for one love some casual monologue, but hate bands who claim to love our country or fuel the ever-burning Melbourne VS Sydney flame. I love a swift, succinct set and hate jams. I loathe encores but love onstage energy and actively encourage destroying instruments/venue/fellow bandmates. You know what else I love? Singers with accents and a voice like a mad cow on the gack who throw themselves into the crowd and literally destroy themselves, vocally, physically, emotionally, everything. Speaking of…BRONX IN 3 MONTHS!