June 25, 2008

In case you missed Triple R’s Bullying The Jukebox last Sunday night, in which the illustrious B Hizzle and myself recalled the better releases of the first half of 2008, I will henceforth recount some of them for you. You really should not have missed it though, it was hilarious, jam packed with witty repartee and exclusive insider gossip about all your favourite bands. Yes ALL of them, and now you’ll never know all the juicy news, so why weren’t you listening, I ask you? AS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO AT MIDNIGHT ON A SUNDAY! Sleep when you’re dead, people…

City And Colour- Bring Me Your Love: Sometimes when it’s cold outside and I’m home by myself I put on my ‘Dallas’ plad shirt and sing along to Sleeping Sickness while breathing in the musty fibres of the collar.

Cancer Bats- Hail Destroyer: Then I put on Sorceress and sing it all slo-mo and hardcore-like in the mirror and pretend I’m singing it to this chick that really annoys me and she’s all like “OMG WHAT?!” and I’m like, “YEAH BITCH, YOU HEARD ME”.

Polar Bear Club- Sometimes Things Just Disappear: This is my special album that I like to think no one else really knows, thus making me extra, extra swell. Check them out before they’re officially labelled the next big thing…

Alkaline Trio- Agony And Irony: Since this one hit stores on Saturday sombre young things have been under house arrest as they intensely study the lyrics of each track before choosing the most appropriate to set as their mood on Myspace thus making them infinitely more mysterious and perhaps scoring them a wall post from that hot emo chick that keeps posting the boobie pics.

The Night Marchers- See You In Magic: This one is filling the gap in my heart that The Bronx usually occupies [the one the makes you so exhilarated you wanna neck a dirty ale then smash it on the bar and scream into it, YOU SELFISH C*NT, YOU’VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!] but which has been vacated since they’ve failed to release any new material in what feels like decades.