January 16, 2008

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT. RE. Excessive use of Guitar Hero in music fans otherwise lacking in axe skills. If you are like me and ordinarily avoid computer games like the plague upon brain function that they are (with the exception of Mortal Kombat, Ski or Die, Full Throttle etc that are timeless classics NEVER to be outdone), and suddenly find yourself clutching a dwarfed plastic guitar, then drop that flimsy bastard and run. For upon playing just one tune successfully, you’ll have instantaneously transformed into a blithering beast preoccupied by delusions of rock n roll grandeur. You may or may not become convinced that a few well-timed jabs at small coloured keys are the equivalent of legitimate shreddage, and find yourself swaying with nonchalant rhythmic coolness in front of a television. In addition after a solid 4 hour session your hand may have cramped significantly in what my mates affectionately refer to as ‘wankers arm’ and the walls will most likely be melting and pulsating around you. For antidote, seek out youtube video of dudes completing Dragonforce song on ‘expert’. This should serve as reassurance of how shit you really are, and –more importantly- how much sadder they are. Best to leave the legitimate rocking to the professionals- a slew of which are headed our way in the next month.